I came across this post that had been shared on FaceBook recently and in a sort of way it again saddened me. You see I too was faced with a similar situation of which I had little or no control of. Our late mother was diagnosed in or around 2003 or 2004 with Alzheimer’s disease (dementia) and it finally reached a stage in their lives where our parents could no longer be left alone especially as our mother required constant assistance. They eventually agreed to sell their property and moved into a home for the elderly in 2005 which had a special section for nursing and which was exactly what our mother needed. This took a lot of pressure off my ‘boet’ who had to do all the running around and arranging of medicines, medical assistance, attending to paying of household accounts etc. The problem that I faced was that as the disease took a greater and greater hold of our mother memory and already being 78 years old I was not in any way guaranteed of her health and longevity and accordingly I took it upon myself to come down from Johannesburg and to visit my mother every month.
For me, there was nothing worse than to one day have that my mom is near her end and that I had not made any effort to spend time with her even although by then she no longer knew who I (all of us) was. As such I coincided my monthly visits to Cape Town with my brothers racing at Killarney. This afforded me the time to spend with my elderly parents at the old age home as well as some quality time with my boet doing what we both enjoyed at the race track. Each month of my coming down eventually lead to me taking up the sport as well and I started in late 2007. You see, even although my mother no longer knew who I was, I still knew who she was and it was my only chance to try and afford her the comfort and understanding (and patience) that I was still there for her even although I lived 1000Km away. In may of 2008 sadly my mom passed away and as sad and traumatic as it was I was grateful in knowing that at least I spent quality time with her when down from JHB.
Our dad remained at his home and in late 2008 (October if I recall correctly) I remember coming down from JHB and having to take him to the Karl Bremer hospital as he complained of severe abdominal pain. We got there at 08h30 and only around 16h00 was he seen by the doctors. Needles to say the outcome given the next day was not good and our dad was diagnosed with cancer. He was returned to the home where his condition slowly deteriorated day by day and I still came down each and every month to visit, sometimes twice a month. There was little we as siblings could now do other than provide for his best possible care and assistance. By April of 2009 he became blind and could no longer talk yet he was aware of both of our presence when we visited his bedside. Dad sadly passed away on 26 April 2009 and again we faced having to say goodbye to a parent 11 months after saying our goodbyes to our mom.
Our sole comfort now is just the 2 of us and to this very day and almost some 12 years later I still come down each and every month to still spend as much time with my bother and yes we still love our motor racing even although at times we have to take a back seat due to costs etc. we still enjoy our times spent together.
Alzheimer’s (dementia) is a terrible decease in that it robs you of your loved ones and making peace with that is at times very hard. Our personal advice if ever needed, would be to never ever leave a parent or a loved one alone even although they most probably don’t even remember who you are however, that is not what is important, you still know and remember them and they need you to know that even although they may be confused, they appreciate you being around them.
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